I know this much is true

San Antonians are nuts about the Spurs. NUTS I tell you. God help me during the playoffs. I already get enough shit from people due to my undying allegiance to the Lakers. Hey, I can't help it: I grew up in LA in the 80s, when Magic and Kareem headed their back-to-back winning teams. (During an 8th grade trip to the Happiest Place on Earth, I distinctly remember kids running through Disneyland with Walkmen earpieces trailing along behind them, all wild-eyed and screaming "WE WON WE WON WON!" A formative experience, indeed.)

So I can understand the love for a good basketball team. But this is out of control. A little while back, a friend had a very important first date with a woman he liked a lot. He wanted to impress her and make sure she had a good time, so he bought ballet tickets. Now, my friend is, to put it simply, not the type to sit through a ballet performance, even if you had a gun pointed at his head, so that should indicate the extent of how much he was trying for this woman. Afterwards, I asked him how it went. His eyes shining, he started enthusing about how much fun it was and that he'd had a great time. Certain that he was taking a piss, I asked him what exactly he liked about it. Turns out they'd done a tribute to the Spurs and even had the ballerinas wearing Spurs jerseys. Talk about playing to your audience.