Her Ladyship

Notes from the gutter.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Yeah mon

The Texan and I leave tomorrow for spring break. Spring break! College! WOO! We're going to Montego Bay, Jamaica, which just so happens to be where I spent my spring break while in grad school. Is it sad that I'm still going on spring break nearly a decade after I was a student? And to the same place I went to as a student? Never mind, don't answer that. We're staying in a nicer place than before, if that makes a difference. It's one of those all-inclusive resorts where we plan to get our money's worth. And there's a swim-up bar. I think I have a new policy: only go on vacation where there's a swim-up bar (granted, I have a fairly flexible definition of what counts as one - ie, a six-pack on a floatie qualifies).

Anyways, things I learned from my last visit to Jamaica that I will be applying this time around:

1) If you buy booze in duty-free while killing time during yet another delay of your flight out of the States, don't open up the bottle in the presence of the employee who sold it to you. They tend to frown on that type of behavior.

2) When the banana boat driver says he can make you go faster if you give the thumbs-up sign, prevent any member of your party from doing so. You will spill on the first curve and damned if it isn't nearly impossible to climb back on while trying to keep from going under the waves.

3) If you go out on a glass-bottom boat and one of your fellow passengers doesn't know how to swim, steer clear of him when the boat stops so that everyone can get out and snorkel. Panic WILL set in and you WILL be dragged under his flailing limbs.

4) No going down waterslides naked. (No explanation needed.)

5) No taking naps at the bottom of the pool while playing drunken midnight volleyball. (Again, no explanation needed.)

6) You may be frightened and confused because things are different in a different country. This is known as culture shock, and it's okay. (hahaha, inside joke to G&T. sorry)

7) If you go out on a daytrip, don't let any drunk friends get hold of the bus' intercom on the way back.

8) The steel drums are pervasive and will burn into your soul. Surrender immediately - do not fight them.

Happy spring, everyone! See you next week.


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