Her Ladyship

Notes from the gutter.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


Since I am quite possibly the only 31-year-old in the Western hemisphere who does not have a driver's license, I have decided to get my ass in gear and get the @!$% license already. I've been putting it off as I had no interest whatsoever in any interaction with the DMV. But this is one of those things, like death, jury duty, and adult-onset acne, that you can't duck. (Oh wait, is that last one just me? Goddammit.)

After making my appointment for the behind-the-wheel test, I had six weeks to cool my heels: that was the first available opening for a spot. I should've spent the interim practicing, but few of my friends have cars and I figured that I used to be such a gifted driver that getting behind the wheel should be a piece of cake. Until Saturday, when I offered to parallel park GI Jane's car in front of my house. I ended up being about four feet from the curb. This does not bode well for the remnants of my driving capabilities.

Anyways, yesterday was the day. I wore my big-girl business suit, figuring I would be roughly twice the age of everyone else taking the test, so I might as well try to look authoritative and responsible to avoid questions of why I didn't already have a license. A fat lot of good that did me.

See, I don't have a car. But I knew that DC's DMV used to rent out cars for their tests. I couldn't find anything on their website to indicate they still did that, but it didn't say that they *didn't*. Plus I couldn't get through to their general information number...either the line was busy or I would get a five minute-long message that would abruptly hang up on me. So I decided just to go down there and hope for the best.

As it turns out, they don't rent out cars any more. The bored woman chomping gum behind the desk told me languidly that they stopped doing that three or four years ago. It was then that I remembered reading a newspaper story about how DMV employees were caught renting out cars at an inflated rate and pocketing the difference. I'm not saying that's why they stopped their rental program, but it does provide a feasible explanation.

So I had to reschedule for this Friday, with the hopes of convincing one of my friends with cars to take time off of work and allow an uninsured driver to get behind the wheel. The DMV won't allow you to use rental cars, either. I guess they assume that everyone has the means for wheels and the disposable income to miss work. Sigh. I may have to just let this dream go, at least until circumstances improve. Cross your fingers for me.


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