Her Ladyship

Notes from the gutter.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Living in a dream world

Wednesday, on my way to work, The Texan asked me to pick up a few cans of sliced olives. I immediately agreed, as I knew it could only mean one thing: he was going to make his world-famous pasta salad. So I stopped by the ubitquitous HEB to grab the olives, and as is often the case, wound up with a whole cart of items.

I was so proud of myself, too, because I'd remembered a bunch of things we were about to run out of, plus I got treats for the dog (canned food WITH gravy. now that's good eating!) and myself (ridiculously expensive conditioner). Oh, and a bunch of flowers to top everything off.

So I stagger up to the front behind my overloaded cart, munching on a sample of free pizza (verdict: crap but it's free. And it's pizza). As they start running my items through the scanner, the checkout girl asks me how I'd like to pay for the items.

See where this is going? I immediately flashed to when I'd been shopping on-line earlier that day. My poor wallet was, alas, sitting in my desk. No problem, I thought, I'll write a check. Then I realize that my checkbook is sitting next to my wallet. I had to tell them to forget about it. I feel for the poor stocker who had to go around and put everything back on the shelf. They asked me if I wanted to come back for the stuff, but that would've entailed an hour of round-trip driving, so I told them no-go.

I did have one bit of inspiration. I asked how much the olives cost. They were exactly one dollar, and I had my change purse with me. So, thanks to some quarters, a few dimes, and many, many pennies, I managed to pay for the one item on my list. Technically, I got what I came to the store for, so the trip wasn't a failure. Just a massive loss of dignity.

The worst part is that ever since, I've been living in an alternate reality where I'd bought the things I'd put in my cart. Every time I remember that I didn't, I come crashing back to earth. For example, yesterday I felt like soup for lunch. Cool, I'll just have one of the cans I bought...oh wait. The dog was behaving very well; I'll reward him with some special food....no, no can do. And so on. Let me tell you, this other universe is a much better one. It's well-stocked.


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