Old-timer

I wandered into the living room the other day as The Texan was catching up on his DVR recordings of "The Avatar." I have to admit, I wasn't as interested in the show as I was in the commercials that ran during it. They were, surprisingly, almost entirely of toys that I remembered from my childhood - just much cooler versions.

For example, Care Bears now have walkie-talkies. For real? What is there that they can't share over their care rainbow, I ask you? One of the first movies I was allowed to go to with my friends and unaccompanied by an adult was, um, the Care Bear movie. Plus I had a particularly favorite set of Care Bear sheets that were ragged by the time I left for college (I left them behind!)(largely because my dorm only had twin extra long beds and the sheets wouldn't have fit) And maybe I had a Care Bear sweatshirt. But no walkie-talkie. That's just lame. And it supposes you have a friend who likes the Care Bears as much as you do, which sadly was unlikely in my case.

My Little Ponies now have a golden palace to romp around in, complete with elevator. Back in MY day, the only toy to have a house requiring an elevator was Barbie. My grandma got it for me when I was maybe 5 and oh my god did I love it. Now, Barbie you could feasibly see needing an elevator: how else was she going to get on the roof to take cocktails after yet another swinging party with eligible bachelor Ken? But why in the world would ponies need an elevator...especially ponies who could already fly? Gratuitous marketing, I tell you.

But the most shocking was Holly Hobby. I had a set of cut-outs of Holly Hobby that I played with quite often - the kind where she's in her undergarments and you can fold over various outfits. Very analog, I know. But I feel that given the time I spent changing her wardrobe, I am very well-versed in what Holly Hobby wears. Holly Hobby wears dresses made out of rags and has an air of the early 1900s, if that makes sense. Not any more. Now, Holly Hobby wears bell-bottoms and cute little tees. GASP. The horror! That's not Holly Hobby.

According to Wikipedia, Holly Hobby was revised this year for a movie - figures - and they're trying to pass off the Holly Hobby I knew and loved as the current Holly Hobby's great-grandmother. DUDE WHAT THE FUCK? I was a little girl in the 70s. Even if I tried, there's no way I could be a great-grandmother today. Why are my toys being aged prematurely? And why don't these whippersnappers today realize what great toys they have compared to the crap we used to put up with?