For I CAN'T LOOK AWAY

It used to be my mornings had a nice, comfy feel to them. I'd get up, stagger to my computer, and start to wake up while going through my email.

Now my first order of business is to check out the comic strip "For Better or For Worse" (FBOFW to those in the know) and send a scathing email about it to G&T. We have spent far too much time this week analyzing what Liz would do if it turned out her previously blameless boyfriend Paul, who literally was Mr. Wright, were cheating on her. And by saying "if," I mean "since," as this strip IS SO EFFING PREDICTABLE.

Point the first: the main characters of the strip, the Pattersons, are always blameless victims. Point the second: the strip's author has said that after several decades of work, she's wrapping this up in the coming year, and you can tell. I mean, full power to the people, I'm glad to see a female comic strip writer with quite a lot of success, and lord knows I could never replicate it. But everything couldn't be more telegraphed if she tried.

Now, the intelligent move would be to stop reading the strip. No can do, my friends. Somehow, while I've managed to duck the siren call of "Apartment 3G" and other soap opera strips, I am compelled to read FBOFW. As such, I can tell you that Liz already went through a cheating boyfriend back in college (now that I think about it, that also went on for about a year too); I remember back when the first dog was put to sleep (there've been two, I believe); I know that Michael's crabby upstairs neighbors, alas, made it out safely when the husband set the house on fire by smoking in bed.

Wait for me to get drunk and I'll expound on my theory that Lynn Johnston, the strip's author, is secretly getting paid by the Canadian government to buy domestic complaisance to their fire and police departments by constantly portraying them as aw-shucks-ma'am sorts. (As G&T points out, the firemen not only save Michael's brood's lives, but wash their sheets to boot. WTF!)

Anyways, this torture should be ending soon with the strip's upcoming demise. I only have to hold on for a few months more and I shall be free. In the meantime, Liz: kick Paul to the curb if you must, but do NOT go back to your high school sweetheart. You can do better.