Emails spawned by this trip home

Dear Phoenix' airport,

We were delayed at every step of the way, thanks to you, both coming and going to LA. You, kind sir, suck. Everything about your airport sucks. Except for the Burger King in the first B wing, whose fries fresh from the oil vat were like little bits of cholesterol heaven. Your majesty, ditch this loser airport before it brings you down with it.

Yours,

Her Ladyship

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To the Gen-Xer striding through the airport with a copy of the latest Harry Potter at eye level, cover face out,

Yes, it was one day after the book dropped and you, like the 60 million other people who had preordered it, had a copy. Bully for you. You must be very proud.

Grow up,

Her Ladyship

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Dear Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf,

Baby, I know the truth. You were the first with your Ice Blended Mocha - Starbucks' Crappaccino is a cheap imitation - and you're the best. As far as I'm concerned, you're the alpha and the omega of frothed coffee drinks. Never change. Except could you please start building more stores outside of California? As the hair band says, there is a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you.

Baci,

Her Ladyship