Last night, though, I got schooled.
I had read that the Indian military was looking to weaponize a chili that has over 1,000,000 Scoville units, and joked that perhaps THAT would be enough for me. The Texan decided to do a little research and found a sauce that is supposed to contain it. So an innocuous-looking bottle was awaiting me when I came home from work last night.
I tried a wee bit on the tip of my tongue. It spread rapidly to the back of my throat but wasn't too bad, so I figured it would be safe to sparingly spread some on my sandwich. WRONG. Oh god, was I wrong about that.
I couldn't eat it. Could. Not. Eat. It. At all. So I tried rinsing off the cheese. No go. Maybe warming it up in the microwave? Nope. Increasingly desperate, I rinsed off the meat. Not even. I ended up throwing it out because my entire throat was on fire at that point and I couldn't imagine making it worse.
So I sat there, gasping for air, as my throat, lips, nose, and then nasal cavity went numb. After about half an hour I could breathe normally, but my lips were still feeling it hours later when I went to bed, which I am prepared to accept was psychosomatic more than anything else.
Moral of the story: that tiny bottle will last me a lifetime, as I cannot see using more than one drop at a time.